First came Tesco and Asda, now KFC joins in with the serve-yourself culture. At least they might get your order right!
via qTweeter
So it's Haloween, the night of ghouls n ghosts, vampires n warewolfs, Laura n Chelsea...
I'm not too sure exactly where the last week has gone, particularly as it's now been exactly a week since I last did anything notable, which would have been going to see Tiesto @ Privilege.
Before I get on to the man, the music, the legend; I'd like to breifly discuss the club itself, which you can imagine must be somewhat impressive to gain the World Guinness Book of Records title as largest nightclub in the world. And it was exactly that, impressive but certainly not clever.
In fact, the people who designed it might well have taken a couple of tabs of acid prior to the meeting in which they scrawled some notes down on a piece of paper and all agreed that's how they should build the club.
"Lets have a swimming pool slap bang in the middle of the dancefloor" one might have suggested "but not let anyone actually use it"
"How about a big open golf ball type dome where people can get some fresh air and cool off" another may have penned "though we'll only put in seating for 10 people and not let anyone sit on the floor"
You see, the practicality of building a club to accomodate 13000 clubbers can't have been an easy feat. But in theory it really shouldn't have ended up the way it has. Instead of designing the main room in the fashion you'd expect, with stadium style sloping of the floor and big screens of the man himself twiddling knobs and waving his hands in the air so that even those at the back can see what's going on; they seem to have adopted a rather bizzare approach. By slapping an unusable swimming pool right in the center of the main room and then subsequently raising the dancefloor on the side closest to the stage/Dj booth, they effectivly made it impossible for those on the opposite side of the dancefloor to see the Dj/screens and so all 13000 of us attempt to jam into the front section, designed for maybe 2500 people, via one access ramp. This as I'm sure you can imagine leads to a less than ideal situation which can (and indeed did) lead to all sorts of trouble including tempers flaring and mini-brawls.
Finally, because the club is inexplicably located in the middle of nowhere - and because the club couldn't be bothered to run the free buses that were meant to run to San An & Evissa - the taxi queue, despite the fact I left about 2 hours before then end because I felt (and was subsequently) sick, was an hour long and at that time of the morning- with no water, feeling(being) sick, surrounded by what seemed like Spanish Italian and Dutch people- an hour seems like an inconceivably long time. At least the taxi had air con, leather seats and a lead foot.
So, you might be wondering why I've blabbed on about the club and not yet mentioned Tiesto. Well that's because he was average. Yep, there you go, I've said it - the 'worlds best DJ' is average. He didn't wow me, he didn't play any amazing tracks, he didn't even do much thumb twiddling or surround me in an envelope of euphoric trance. He just stood there mixing (perfectly I may add) endless generic dance track after dance track - like some unknown would have done in a bar in the west end or a bedroom in Salford. His light/visual/laser show, however, was amazing.
And so did I have a good time? Sure, it was fun. Would I spend another £100+ to go again. Hell no, I've done it now and have no wish to ever return to Privilege, just as I will never return to the similar waste of space that is Amnesia.
And so on to the final topic of this post, and if you've got this far then you're probably wondering why I would title a post about Tiesto Vending Machines and are desperatly seeking the answer.
You see, I've had a thought before, back in the UK- that vending machines, found all over the country, ought to be installed in clubs. The fact that they would complement, rather than replace the bar should mean less queueing and less staffing so both the venue and the customer would benefit.
My original thought was that they should be stocked with the whole variety of drinks you'd find behind the bar- beer, cider, alcopops etc and possibly even have ones that could mix drinks. My thoughts now regarding such machines in clubs of the UK is that they would be largely impractical, require constant maintenance/restocking and not be economically viable.
Here in Ibiza however, where probably 75% of the clubbers are off their pickle and only buy water from the bar, vending machines stocking only the 250ml £8 bottles of water that they sell at the bar would be a godsend. Think about it, you could probably build a vending machine with a capacity of say 1000 bottles (given their redicul-arse size); Have 10-20 machines dotted round the club and I might actually be able to get served at the bar within 30 minutes. Who knows, they might make even more money (which is a topic for another day).
Why, oh why, Ibiza don't you do this already?!?
Cheers,
Dan
-----
www.danielessex.com
I'm not too sure exactly where the last week has gone, particularly as it's now been exactly a week since I last did anything notable, which would have been going to see Tiesto @ Privilege.
Before I get on to the man, the music, the legend; I'd like to breifly discuss the club itself, which you can imagine must be somewhat impressive to gain the World Guinness Book of Records title as largest nightclub in the world. And it was exactly that, impressive but certainly not clever.
In fact, the people who designed it might well have taken a couple of tabs of acid prior to the meeting in which they scrawled some notes down on a piece of paper and all agreed that's how they should build the club.
"Lets have a swimming pool slap bang in the middle of the dancefloor" one might have suggested "but not let anyone actually use it"
"How about a big open golf ball type dome where people can get some fresh air and cool off" another may have penned "though we'll only put in seating for 10 people and not let anyone sit on the floor"
You see, the practicality of building a club to accomodate 13000 clubbers can't have been an easy feat. But in theory it really shouldn't have ended up the way it has. Instead of designing the main room in the fashion you'd expect, with stadium style sloping of the floor and big screens of the man himself twiddling knobs and waving his hands in the air so that even those at the back can see what's going on; they seem to have adopted a rather bizzare approach. By slapping an unusable swimming pool right in the center of the main room and then subsequently raising the dancefloor on the side closest to the stage/Dj booth, they effectivly made it impossible for those on the opposite side of the dancefloor to see the Dj/screens and so all 13000 of us attempt to jam into the front section, designed for maybe 2500 people, via one access ramp. This as I'm sure you can imagine leads to a less than ideal situation which can (and indeed did) lead to all sorts of trouble including tempers flaring and mini-brawls.
Finally, because the club is inexplicably located in the middle of nowhere - and because the club couldn't be bothered to run the free buses that were meant to run to San An & Evissa - the taxi queue, despite the fact I left about 2 hours before then end because I felt (and was subsequently) sick, was an hour long and at that time of the morning- with no water, feeling(being) sick, surrounded by what seemed like Spanish Italian and Dutch people- an hour seems like an inconceivably long time. At least the taxi had air con, leather seats and a lead foot.
So, you might be wondering why I've blabbed on about the club and not yet mentioned Tiesto. Well that's because he was average. Yep, there you go, I've said it - the 'worlds best DJ' is average. He didn't wow me, he didn't play any amazing tracks, he didn't even do much thumb twiddling or surround me in an envelope of euphoric trance. He just stood there mixing (perfectly I may add) endless generic dance track after dance track - like some unknown would have done in a bar in the west end or a bedroom in Salford. His light/visual/laser show, however, was amazing.
And so did I have a good time? Sure, it was fun. Would I spend another £100+ to go again. Hell no, I've done it now and have no wish to ever return to Privilege, just as I will never return to the similar waste of space that is Amnesia.
And so on to the final topic of this post, and if you've got this far then you're probably wondering why I would title a post about Tiesto Vending Machines and are desperatly seeking the answer.
You see, I've had a thought before, back in the UK- that vending machines, found all over the country, ought to be installed in clubs. The fact that they would complement, rather than replace the bar should mean less queueing and less staffing so both the venue and the customer would benefit.
My original thought was that they should be stocked with the whole variety of drinks you'd find behind the bar- beer, cider, alcopops etc and possibly even have ones that could mix drinks. My thoughts now regarding such machines in clubs of the UK is that they would be largely impractical, require constant maintenance/restocking and not be economically viable.
Here in Ibiza however, where probably 75% of the clubbers are off their pickle and only buy water from the bar, vending machines stocking only the 250ml £8 bottles of water that they sell at the bar would be a godsend. Think about it, you could probably build a vending machine with a capacity of say 1000 bottles (given their redicul-arse size); Have 10-20 machines dotted round the club and I might actually be able to get served at the bar within 30 minutes. Who knows, they might make even more money (which is a topic for another day).
Why, oh why, Ibiza don't you do this already?!?
So it's been a while since I kept you all updated with my progress on the white isle so here's a quick photo update of my shenanigans.The last week has been a good one, kicking off with MDMA on tour storming the island to take over the top room alongside Judge Jules at Judgement Sundays (Eden). Neon Knights and Freq Assassin playing alongside the Dirty Rotten DJs at the Dirty Rotten Slut Party witch turned out to be the best night i've had on the island so far (being VIP probably helped). The night turned into a long one, especially with the fact that I had to make a trip to Ibiza Town in the south to register with the police for my NIA (workers stuff) which, given the long party and excessive amount I had consumed that morning, was not the most pleasant of experiences. At least Ashton Dayrider of Neon Nights fame came along for the ride and the day spent on Figueretas beach (significantly better than San Ans poo beach) was worth the trip. So a big thanks to all the Manchester MDMA crew for the fun and frolics.So what else... well there was this small club I went to on Tuesday called Privilege to see a relatively unknown DJ called Tiesto... more on that later...Quote of the day:Me: "If I was building a man made beach, i'd make the sand out of something magnetic and put powerful magnets below the beach so that when you stood up all the sand would woosh off you.I hate sand"
I'm a little bit burnt from the beach today and got myself some killer panda eyes from wearing sunnys all day =D.Quote of the day:Large welsh girl (crying at 3am) "Seriously girls, I just need to go in there and get some gâteaux"
So i'm in Ibiza now but I took some shots of Edinburgh's iconic fourth road/rail bridges from the air.Quote of the day:Laura "I was in the sea and I saw a lizard with no legs!!!Then I realized it was a fish"
Welcome to my post pipeline...
